Stinky River City

For your convenience:

I. Introduction: Puerto Madero
II. When we were suddenly on a boat
III. When everything was more boring than anticipated
IV. When going off the beaten path was, like always, the best idea and why didn't we just start with that anyway
V. Round Two: Brazilian Style
VI. Conclusion


I. Introduction: PUERTO MADERO

I have been keeping a list of stuff I want to see and do while here in Buenos Aires, and we've been doing pretty well so far at economically checking things off. By "economically" I mean usually I don't pay more than bus fare and one meal for an adventure.

If you peep really close, you can kind of see "Madero" at the bottom of the list

 

We had heard tell of Puerto Madero several times; it was purported to be a sort of tourist heaven, filled with high class shops and beautiful architecture. Unfortunately, it turns out that what Rachel and I consider beautiful architecture (old, graceful European-style buildings) is not what attracts The Tourists. What attracts The Tourists is apparently:

ooooohhhhh, ahhhhhhhhhh

 



According to hearsay (as in, I heard Rachel say it), Puerto Madero didn't exist fifteen years ago. As the river shrank, Buenos Aires continued expanding.... and somebody decided that putting an ultra-fancy district on the newly exposed land would trick everyone into coming within three miles of the stinky river.


II. We're on a Boat

As we began our adventure, a pirate-style ship docked in the river caught our attention. We like old things, so we gazed admiringly upon its masts and ropes and stuff. Then we realized it was a museum, and for two pesos (a measly 25 cents) you could walk its aged planks and see things like:

 

A group of full-grown men wearing almost the exact same outfit

Maybe they were a bowling team?

if my drivers ed instructor could see me now, he would DEFINITELY slam on that special little passenger-side brake.

Weapons of mass-- what was I saying? I keep getting distracted by how frighteningly genuine Rachel's expression is.

President Sarmiento (he's the one on the left)

(Whoops I mean right)

(Haha it's like drivers ed all over again)

(Haha why do I keep talking about drivers ed)

(No one knows)

(Secrets)

So ropey

Majestic Argentine flag in background, Majestic Students in middleground, Majestic Selfie Arm in foreground

 

 

III. This part is so boring you shouldn't even read it

 

We got to the part that was built to appease The Tourists. It was boring and expensive.

 

(Apologies to Marcello, who liked it)

 

IV. Choose your own adventure

As always, we forged our own trail mostly because we didn't know where we were going. The less touristy section of Puerto Madero included some rare gems. Like topaz. And amethyst.

 

And this:

LOOK HOW GOOD I AM AT LOOKING WINDBLOWN

 

The other interesting part of our off-road adventures was a very strange swampside ampitheatre-boardwalk combo. We keep finding these places that look like they were once meant for some grand purpose, but have since been left to fend off weeds and vagrant poop.

It sort of had a feeling of melancholy... like a forgotten civilization...

Of course Rachel had to climb on the sunken thing

What is this and can Hayao Miyazaki make a movie about it?

 



Deserted places are eerily beautiful.

 

 

V. We were convinced to return.

Some days later, the magical Power of Brazilian Friendship drew us back, this time to Costanera-- Puerto Madero's ecological reserve.

 

Secret Identity: Marcello

Strength: Tri-lingual

Weakness: Ketchup

 

Despite the day being sunny and warm (i.e. not ideal bug weather), we were accosted by mosquitoes to the point that we shrunk into tiny shriveled bags of skin, having been drained of our lifeblood.

 

The colorless mass below is my leg. When I got home I found that someone had digitally altered my skin so that each bug bite was highlighted by a bright red, poorly-drawn circle. Hopefully this will wear off in a few days.

 

 

 

 

VI. Conclusion

 

The end.