TRAFFIC LIGHTS
Picture the scene: you're momentarily stopped at a red light, listening to some Backstreet Boys on your Walkman. As you're singing peppily along with the chorus, you realize you've been sitting there for some minutes-- it's probably about time for the light to change. You look upward at the glowing scarlet lamp, anticipating it to flash green at any time.
But wait. Not only are you apparently in the 90's, but you're also in Argentina! Things work differently here. CAN YOU SPOT WHAT IS WEIRD IN THIS VIDEO?????
That's right, here in the city traffic lights turn yellow again before they go green. This is amusing to me; it's like they're saying, "Rev your engines, folks!" In fact, I've witnessed multiple instances of people deciding that yellow is pretty close to green so they can just drive RIGHT NOW. And don't even get me started on the motorcycles. Those guys just do whatever they want.... if traffic's moving too slow then WATCH OUT PEDESTRIANS CAUSE YOU BOUT TO BE RUN DOWWWWNNN.
REFILLS
They don't happen.
This topic is distressing to me. Let's move on.
BRANDS
Just because it's in the same package DOES NOT MEAN it's the same product. For example, THIS:
Is NOT Cool Ranch. It is some horrible "cooked meat" flavor. Ugh. I'm shuddering just thinking about the day I unknowingly ate these chips.
While we're on the topic of brands, here's a little pronunciation lesson:
McDonald's
English pronunciation: "Mick-daw-nuhlds"
Spanish pronunciation: "Mac-dough-nahlds"
Nike
English pronunciation: "Nigh-kee"
Spanish pronunciation: Kinda like Bill Nye's last name, just with a "k" at the end. One syllable. This is also how my grandpa says "Nike," but he is not Latin. I don't have the heart to correct him.
"THE MYSTERIOUS POURING"
One thing I found vaguely unsettling when I first arrived is that when you order a drink in a restaurant, the waiter will almost always open the bottle for you and fill your glass approximately half full.
Subtle product placement
I am still not exactly sure why this is. What I DO know is that I have become accustomed to it, and if a waiter simply leaves our delicious, nutritious, refreshing Coca-Colas (great for the whole family!) on the table and then walks away, I will scoff at him behind his back. Whatever shall I do when I return to the U.S. and the wait staff shirk their duties to me in this this way? Surely I will exhaust my throat from so much scoffing and have to sue for damages.
WATER
While we're on the topic of liquids, let me briefly mention that if you order water in a restaurant, they will bring you a glass bottle of pure Bariloche spring water or some such nonsense. When I discovered this I was put out. In the U.S, tap water is the default, and it is typically free. Why in the world would I pay for something that I could just drink from the toilet if I wanted? The KEY, my friends, is to ask specifically for "agua de la canilla," tap water. If you leave out that important phrase you will end up paying beaucoup bucks for "spring" water that probably just came out of a tap somewhere else.
TIPPING
This is my favorite part. Tipping in Argentina is only 10 percent, and if you do a little less you won't get angrily chased into the parking lot, as has been known to happen in the States.
Now you have all the necessary information to order at a restaurant (if you only want water) and leave the correct tip, but no refills, and you should stop listening to the Backstreet Boys because that is, like, SO nineties. Jeesh, do I have to teach you EVERYTHING?
Bonus pic of me trying to fit my whole hand in my mouth
Result: unsuccessful
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