The Art of Not Being Alone

Friends are a difficult thing when you don’t have them.

For a period of time last year, I had this crisis of identity in which I tried to decide whether I was an introvert or an extrovert. For some reason it was really important to me to KNOW which “camp” I belonged in; to KNOW who I “really was.” And it was hard to base that off the two solid pieces of information I had:

      1. I love people, and

      2. I hate making friends.

Making friends is HAAAAARRRRRRD. First of all, you have to get off the Internet and leave your room, when it would be much safer and more comfortable inside. Then you have to find someone, butt into their life, and make them care about you. I don’t really know how it feels to be on the receiving end of Forceful Friendship. But I know it’s not nice to be the Forcer.

 

There are friendships that you just fall into. These are very pleasant. They often occur at communally transitional points in life, such as the first year of college. Dude, NOBODY knows what they’re doing then; you’re all on the same level—alone. Maybe a little bit lost. But excited. Opposites attract, but mutual loneliness attracts WAY HARDER. (Attractional examples: Walt to Jesse. Garfield to lasagna. Me to poor life choices. My brother’s right thumb to the B-button.)

 

It’s a different story when you walk into a world where everyone else has already settled, and you’re the only unmagnetized iron scrap left. All poles are occupied; you’re stuck floating in a sad little lonely vortex of Buzzfeed and ice cream.

That’s when you freaking MAKE THEM BE YOUR FRIEND IF IT KILLS YOU OR THEM but hopefully not them because that would most likely be considered a felony.

So here are some Rules I’m Making Up On the Spot for How to Make Friends in a Hard-to-Make-Friends Place:

 

1.       Ignore the language barrier. It’s better to sound dumb than to hide and never talk to anyone because you’re afraid you’ll sound dumb. First of all, you might speak the language better than you think. Second, the recipient of your Friendship might be more willing than you think. And third, if you really are unintelligible, it’s not the first time I’ve seen non-language dependent friendships happen. In Costa Rica I knew this French kid who arrived not speaking a lick of Spanish or English… but he brought his ukulele and some mime and got along juuuuust fine. (People loved that dude, I swear) It was his attitude of friendship, not his grasp of the language, that really built relationships.

2.       Don’t hide. I try to make it a point to force myself out of my room into some public place at least a couple times a day, even though it’s sometimes awkward and weird (like me). I have a sense that soon I will be arriving at the cusp of Friendesperation. For those who are naturally gifted with a pleasant social presence, please let me explain what Friendesperation looks like:

                                                                      also spanish.

3. Don't spend too much time livin' it up in your native language. I made this mistake in Costa Rica, and now I wish I had ditched the English (Internet, TV, books) for the sake of wild Spanish adventures. While having my roommate here in Argentina ROCKS MY CALCETINES OFF, I can't forget that learning Spanish is one of my main reasons for being here. (Full disclosure: I've been speaking a lot of English. But unlike in Costa Rica, I've also been speaking and listening to a lot of Spanish. Soooooo I like to think it balances out heh heh.)

My impromptu list is complete! Three is the perfect number for a list, as I always say. I also always say a lot of other things, like "HOLY BUTTS!" and "What street are we on?" and "See? That dog's not neutered either."

Interesting List of Ten Things I Did Today:
1. Got fingerprinted to make sure I don't have a criminal record in Argentina
2. Got bit by like a million mosquitoes (or the same one a million times) because I leave my window open
3. Had my first class! "Folklore." It's a toughie.
4. Bought a small tin of aromatic tea from my new favorite cafe
5. JUST KILLED THE FREAKING MOSQUITO HAHAHAHAHAHA
6. Was sad when no one commented on my Grumpycat sweatshirt :'(
7. Walked many miles. Like probably at least six miles. We walk everywhere.
8. ALMOST rode an antique elevator but then we were "in a hurry" and had to go *sob sob sob* you were right, Rachel.... but we have to go back for that elevator
9. Pet a stray cat at the Recoleta Cemetery... again *fistpump*
10. WOKE UP AT 6:40 AM

And the standard sign-off:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA